lonelydream | INBOX (for eastbound)

It's how they move us. Beacons.

( He doesn't get it, and there's only so much intel he can send Jacob to gather and so it remains a mystery. Instead he's far too invested in playing with the fabric at Zhou Zishu's belt, slipping his fingers inside where it's warm. That is, until the next comment, and he has to pause to frown. )

Don't worry, Ah-Xu. I'll do all the politics this time.

( Sometimes he wonders just what would have happened if he'd chosen to stay with Qin Huaizhang and Four Seasons. Would they have both fallen into the same traps? Maybe. Maybe not. He might have been too soft to save Zhou Zishu from himself even then. It still keeps him up at night, the what ifs. )

You don't have to do anything you don't want. I won't let anyone make you.

[ If he had stayed, Wen Kexing would have died like everyone else had. Or he'd have been angry enough at Zishu to leave, the way Jiuxiao did--and then died. Like Jiuxiao. He was so stupid, Zhou Zishu. He might have done what he thought was best, once, but he'd killed his sect for it. At least, now, Wen Kexing is warm and soft, and so very alive. ]

Of course you won't.

[ Though he can't protect Zishu from himself. Zhou Zishu really should talk to a few more people. Lan Xichen had mentioned his brother, and his brother's husband... Them, perhaps. ]

( He entertains himself by looking at Zhou Zishu from his position of sprawled indolence. It should be uncomfortable but Wen Kexing has never felt better, a silly little smile flickering across his mouth, easy sated breath filling his lungs. He hums, tuneless, tugs once more on the belt like a child demanding attention. )

I think this new life suits you better.

( What does he know, beyond what he can guess? But he feels it anyway. )

I think it suits us both. When we get back, we'll see my girl wed and you cured and then we'll dedicate ourselves to the rest of it. Wandering, wine, each other. ( His vengeance still ticks away in the back of his mind most days, but Zhou Zishu has told him it will be achieved and well, Wen Kexing has had time to think. Maybe his priorities are shifting. ) Poor Chengling will get sick of us.

We'll leave Chengling on his own occasionally. It'll help him grow. Or, perhaps, we'll send him to Nanjiang for a year. Beiyuan has a son a bit younger than him.

[ It's soft and quiet, wistful, a life he wishes he could have. ]

We can drink the local specialties in each town we stop at.

Tell me more about this Beiyuan.

( He's drunk enough that the jealousy is low lying, dampened under the booze. It still rests, and he fumbles for the wine, drinking it where he lays, a little tricking from the corner of his mouth. When Kexing wipes it away idly, a noise in the back of his throat. He's curious mostly, there's a whole part of Zhou Zishu he doesn't know. Friends, enemies, lovers.

He wants to crack him open like a walnut, examine the soft flesh inside. )

What's he like?

Clever. Beautiful. One of the most incredible people I know.

[ He says it frankly, without emotion beyond genuine warmth. ]

Oh.

( There's the jealousy. It rises like an acid wave in Wen Kexing's stomach, sour and unpleasant and so very familiar. The intensity shouldn't surprise him. It does though. A frown ticks between his eyebrows, and he takes another deeper drink. )

Why haven't I heard of him before if he's that special?

Peace, Lao Wen. He's married, and happily so. His husband is the Great Shaman, the man Ye Baiyi hopes will be able to save me.

Besides, neither he nor I have ever wanted one another like that.

( He makes a sound, a harumph of displeasure, pouting from where he is still sprawled inelegantly in Zhou Zishu's lap. )

You speak of him so nicely.

( He is bitter old hag, apparently. ) At least his husband sounds useful. A shame he's not here.

You get along perfectly well.

[ He thinks, anyway. Well enough that Beiyuan was willing to lie to him for Wen Kexing's plan. ]

( A sniff, irritated. )

Future me sounds like an idiot.

...A bit of one, perhaps. If nothing else, when you go back, Lao Wen, remember that you can trust me.

I do trust you.

( The exaggerated pouting frown slides away to something more gentle, concern bleary. )

Ah, I mess up, don't I? I always do, Ah-Xu. I get all - ( He flutters his fingers beside his temple and then knocks the lip of the wine bottle to his skull. ) - and I forget. But I don't want to do things wrong, I do try.

[ He frowns, hesitates--and that might be an answer in and of itself. But then he rallies, and sighs, knocking lightly on Wen Kexing's forehead with his knuckles. ]

I know.

You make some decisions without telling me. They weren't necessarily bad ones, but if you had let me know what you were planning, things could have gone very differently. None of the plans we make individually ever go quite as well as the ones we make together, Lao Wen.

( He takes that hand, brings those knuckles to his lips where he presses a kiss to the notches there, either bold with drink or sweet with it, eyes soft. )

No more being secretive. ( He hums, thoughtful. While he knows it's a promise he probably won't be able to keep, he wants to mean it. ) The same for you though, Ah-Xu. You're as bad as I am, don't tell me you aren't!

[ It makes a smile tug at the corners of his lips, Zhou Zishu, as ever, weak to Wen Kexing's whims and affection--especially now. Especially now. ]

I know. I'll be better.

We'll be all right.

( He uses their joined hands to lift Zhou Zishu's up to his face, rubbing his cheek against the soft skin. )

You worry too much.

( Says the fretter. )

[ Wen Kexing's cheek is warm, the skin flush and warm, and Zhou Zishu fights the urge to pinch it like a child's. ]

I worry a perfectly reasonable amount.

Mhm.

( He probably does, is the thing. Zhou Zishu is by far the more serious of them, has been since the very first time they met in this new life of theirs. Gods, even as a child he had a solemnity that suited a man ten times his young age. He squints back up at him, trying to match the memory to the now, huffs out a laugh when that proves too much for his drunkenness. )

You'll get wrinkles. Not that it would matter to me, I'm sure you'll be just as handsome white haired and craggy.

You are ridiculous, and very drunk still.

[ But he's allowed, for a moment, to picture Wen Kexing like that. If they can grow old together. ]

Ah-Xu, you know I'm sincere! You're the prettiest person I've ever seen no matter the level of alcohol in my system or not.

( He drops his hand over his eyes, not quite embarrassed by himself but more so because he's suddenly feeling almost ... shy. Or at the very least, overwhelmed by his own sincerity. )

I mean it, I really do.

Edited 2023-12-13 17:59 (UTC)

[ He doesn't respond to that with anymore more than a huff, brushing his hand gently over Wen Kexing's hair. ]

Are you going to fall asleep?

( A hum, it's nice to be petted. He thinks he might try to get Zhou Zishu to do it more often, a comfort he hadn't known enough of to miss but now craves with an envious hunger. When his hand falls away his eyes are half shut, sleepy and relaxed. )

I had plans, you know. How dare you be the most comfortable place to rest.

( He'd come to pester, after all. )

What if I did, mm? Would you stay?

Yes, of course.

[ As if that was a question that needed answering. Where else would he go? Why would he want to? Of course he'll stay. ]

You're so nice to me.

( It isn't exactly new, there had been a shift in their dynamic at some point. Before coming here Wen Kexing had been too full of his own thoughts to notice it, but now? )

Keep doing it and I might get ideas.

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