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( The second kiss is just as sweet, the earnest press of mouths against each other. Wen Kexing makes it deeper, more firm, caring very little for the taste of his breath or the smell of a sickbed, the facts of them barely flickering across his consciousness. He's all caught up in the joy of it instead, the fact that he is kissed back, that there is a hand on his own face, that it means something. The fact that he -. )

I love you.

( Ah, there it is. It pulls it's way from him with it's own bloodied hands, the shape of his devotion. The words themselves feel clumsy, fumbled against Zhou Zishu's mouth, and so he squeezes his eyes shut but does not pull further back from the man beside him, inhaling once, quick and shuddering. )

I -. ( Stumbling, ridiculous. ) I would do whatever you asked of me, Ah-Xu. I'd pull my heart from behind my ribs and give it to you, if that's what you wanted. I love you, and I didn't think I knew how to do that. If anyone ever hurt you I'd tear their skin from their bones with my teeth, do you -. I want -.

( A pause, eyelids flickering open again, a sigh. )

I love you.

[ Oh. It takes his breath away, and he stares at Wen Kexing, wide-eyed. Things like that, it's simply not said. Felt, but not said, and Zhou Zishu presses their foreheads together, breathes in time. ]

I rather like your heart where it is. Keep it in your chest, beating strong for the both of us.

Okay.

( Simple, as if his voice isn't ringing with the impact of his feelings. )

It's yours anyhow, you can do with it what you like.

( And then, softer still. ) It's all right, isn't it? That I -. That it's you.

Yes. I-- Surely you know how I feel, Lao Wen. You must, don't you?

[ He's much less skilled with words, can't quite bring himself to say things so clearly. ]

( His mouth twitches, widens a little into a small smile. )

You tried to follow me, didn't you?

( The reason he'd been dying so quick, Wen Kexing's own folly. He'd had plans too. Poisons tucked away, or the idea that he could have simply torn out his own throat somehow, lingering. No one would have been able to stop him. ) What a pair we make.

( The hand on Zhou Zishu's face moves, curls around his hip instead. )

Ah-Xu, we can be something now.

Edited 2024-01-16 17:37 (UTC)

I tried to follow you.

[ He agrees, confirms it in his quiet, steady way. He leaves Wen Kexing' s hand on his hip, finds the other one to curl their fingers together and press against his heart. ]

I was going to avenge you and your parents both, but you were able to do that on your own. You were beautiful in your rage, Lao Wen, with Baiyi in your hand. You claimed yourself mine, first in front of Tianchuang and your ghosts. Then, in front of the jianghu sects.

[ Wen Kexing hasn't seen the empty, scarred over pits on his chest yet, not the ones left by the Nails, not the ones left by the hooks. If he has, he'd no doubt have made more of a fuss. Zishu has been very careful to not ever be fully undressed, not even in front of him, and Wen Kexing--for all that he plays at being a lech--is more of a gentleman than Zhou Zishu has ever been. ]

Well.

( He sounds, if anything, a little breathless, dazed. It is a strange thing to think of a life not yet lived, choices made and decisions taken. ) As proposals go I think that's a pretty sound one, don't you?

( The peek of a smile, almost shy. He shifts closer, knees touching now. It's quiet in the little room they share, and his gaze is soft when it skips over every inch of Zhou Zishu's face. )

Ah, Ah-Xu. You're so lovely.

( Even gaunt, even tired, even sick. )

I was so angry with you.

[ But he doesn't sound angry now. Now, he touches Wen Kexing's face, his hair. ]

Don't you ever do anything like that again.

( He blinks, guilt bleeding into his expression. It's not like Wen Kexing knows what the him of the future had been thinking, but he can guess at it. Maybe he thought Zhou Zishu would never know, a flimsy excuse. Maybe he'd thought he wouldn't care. Or maybe he'd just been blinded by his need for vengeance.

For now he swallows, clears his throat. )

I won't.

( Fake his own death, anyway. )

I wouldn't have meant to hurt you, Ah-Xu.

[ Ah, this ridiculous man. Zishu does love him. ]

I know.

I think you were trying to, well. Protect me, perhaps. Ridiculous. As if I'd let you face your enemies alone.

You shouldn't have to fight for me.

( It's quiet, a little argumentative. He knows it's ridiculous, knows that if anyone from Zhou Zishu's past came for a piece of his flesh Wen Kexing would certainly be the first to stand between them. But it is hard to see his own mistakes in that same light, hard to forgive himself for making them. )

Don't. I know you would anyway. It's just -.

( A pause. )

I didn't want that world to touch you. I wanted to pretend. It doesn't matter now. It did, and you know. I know you too. So I suppose we'll just have to be ourselves together.

[ He exhales slowly, and then sits up, grimacing when doing so makes him ache all over. ]

You'll see it eventually. [ Zishu sighs, works at the ties of his robes. ] In fact, I'm rather surprised you've managed to keep your hands to yourself and haven't seen it already. Help me get this off.

( A noise like an alarmed bird, but Wen Kexing is sitting up all the same, loosening Zhou Zishu's robes enough that the other man can shrug the layers off. His expression shifts quickly the minute skin is bared, going from curiously alarmed to wide eyed and then, furious. His hands lift, hover, not quite touching the scars. The ones left from the nails he has seen before, that fateful night that Ye Baiyi let the truth out, and though they are angrier for their removal he at least had been aware of them. There are newer ones though, and cold fury floods throughout Wen Kexing's veins, the tips of his fingers trembling.

They do not look like the marks left by a normal blade. )

Who did this? Who hurt you? I'll go back and I'll kill them.

Peace.

[ He sighs, not having expected anything less. ]

You can't kill him. Besides, if we're counting sins, this could be said to be punishment for what I did. [ And then he goes on, not entirely lying: ] It hardly hurts at all anymore.

( Tentatively, his touch drops to the ragged edged scars there, as light as he can make it. There's fury lurking under the surface, Wen Kexing's anger hard to swallow down, but there's also -.

Not pity, not that.

Something else. )

If anyone ever touches you again I'm going to take their hands, do you hear me? ( A fierce declaration, only slightly shaken. ) But nobody else will get close to. I won't allow it.

( He is a rabid dog made loyal, there's no changing that. )

[ He's touched by Wen Kexing's rage and fury, his viciousness in protecting what he loves as his own. It is Zhou Zishu's privilege and honor to be counted among that number. Reaching up, he touches the back of the hand Wen Kexing has on his chest. His voice is more devastatingly gentle than he knew he could be. ]

You came for me. You asked me, after, why I wasn't surprised to see you, and I'll tell you now what I told you then:

I didn't know how, and I didn't know when. But I knew you would come.

[ There are worlds hidden in those words, laid as bare as Zhou Zishu could bear to make it. ]

( It is perhaps no surprise that Zhou Zishu's face in him leaves him wordless, it is also no surprise that Wen Kexing reacts to it by surging forward, claiming that earnest mouth in a kiss less sweet than before, brimming at the edges with a fragile, desperate affection. He kisses him deep, palm pressed over a cruel scar, the other coming up to curl at the nape of his neck and hold him still.

When he pulls back it is with a ragged breath. )

Ah-Xu.

( It is terrifying, being a loved thing, he can feel it battering the inside of his chest. )

Yes.

( He will always come. )

[ Wen Kexing kisses the breath from his lungs, leaving Zishu breathless. ]

Ah.

[ It's a soft sigh, an uncertain breath, but he reaches for Wen Kexing, sinking his fingers into those dark strands. ]

Lao Wen.

You should rest.

( Is his own skin burning? Probably. Wen Kexing might be utterly shameless in most matters but when it comes to the fragile, ruined thing he calls a heart he finds himself veering helplessly into shyness. )

You should rest and get better because I have plans. ( Lofty, playacting, despite how furiously vulnerable the whole thing is. ) Do you need anything?

[ WELL, face worked perfectly well as well. it was funny, at least. ]

Lao Wen.

[ He says it again, this time adominishing, flushed and a little embarrassed. ]

So eager to leave me?

No.

( Startled, face twisting into repentance. He pets Zhou Zishu with one hand, running the palm of it over his hair in a soothing fashion. ) Do you really think I would, Ah-Xu? After all this time. Tch, I just want you to relax, you look half dead and what kind of wife would I be if I kept you from what you need? Here, I'll lie down with you.

( He shifts, half pulling Zhou Zishu with him, wrapping him more firmly into his arms. )

So ornery, you won't always get away with it.

( He absolutely will. )

[ He sulks as Wen Kexing pulls him in, but doesn't stiffen or struggle, sighing as Wen Kexing eases them both down so Zishu can lean in against his zhiji. ]

Won't I? You're not very good at saying no. Not even to Chengling.

( Immediately he starts running soft little circles across Zhou Zishu's shoulder blades, letting out a soft squawk of disagreement. )

I can say no! I've said no a dozen times!

( Just to people he doesn't like or care about. )

Besides, the boy's fine isn't he? He never asks for much.

You encourage him.

Someone should.

( Bittersweet, and a little guilty. )

I just think he deserves a little more time to be childish, don't you? Neither of us got much of it. It isn't doing him any harm. You know he wants to prove himself to you. He's a good boy.

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wHY DID I WRITE FACE INSTEAD OF FAITH WHY

Re: wHY DID I WRITE FACE INSTEAD OF FAITH WHY

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